It Comes Down to Trusting God

Well, I've listened to the 2nd drive-time CD. Although for me, they're not "drive time" CDs, since I don't have a CD player in my car. For me, they're "sit around the house" time CDs. I've tried to use them as "workout" time CDs when I'm at Gold's Gym, but I need music to work out to. Something with a good beat. I've been using The Crossing Church "One" CD for that recently. Since most the music is pretty upbeat, it's good to workout to, especially when I get to the "I am Free" song....but wait, I think I'm digressing here.... Back on topic... I've listened to the 2nd CD and read most of Chapter Two "To Infinity and Beyond". I know I'm probably not doing this in the right order, but at least I'm getting it done.

I realize that when I try to think of my overall purpose, dream or vision for my life, I'm blocked, because I'm thinking too small. I'm thinking too short of time span. And I hate to admit this, but I'm thinking too much about myself, about how my needs are going to get met. I know I've got it backwards. According to God's word:

Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.

and also

Matthew 6:33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

See - I need to trust God first and seek to do His Will first, and then I don't have to worry about my needs being met, because God is going to take care of them. But I have this issue with trust. So whenever I get a glimpse of something that may be God's vision for me, I immediately try to think how I can work it out my way, because God's way won't provide for my needs. And then the vision starts to shrink, or gets put off until years down the road when I've paid my house off or funded my retirement. And then the passion starts to dissipate, and I question whether that vision really was from God after all. I really need to repent!

Lord,

Thank you for saving me. Thank you for placing your hand on my life. Thank you for my church and my Christian brothers and sisters. I know you created me for a unique purpose and you have a specific vision for my life. Change my heart! Help me to repent from my lack of trust in you! I repent right now, Lord. From this moment on, I'll go where You want my to go, I'll say what You want me to say, I'll do what You want me to do, and I'll be what You want me to be. Let not my will, but Yours be done.

In Jesus name, Amen.

Praise God for my small group

Our first small group meeting on the Blueprint series went well. Some people have it pretty well defined in their minds what their calling is, while a lot of others are like me, still trying to figure it out. It's good to hear other people's insights - you tend to think of things you haven't thought about.

I got to share with them my doubts about my uniqueness. I shared how when my parents were giving me job advice, they said, "Don't ever assume you're not replaceable", meaning that you should be careful not to fall into a false sense of security because you think your boss can't find someone else to fill your shoes. It was well-meaning advice that had the effect of making it hard for me to accept that God made me unique, and has a specific unique purpose for me that no one else but me can accomplish. One of the ladies in my group said that my struggle to accept that may be evidence of a stronghold. She said she was going to pray for me, and shared with me this verse:

2 Corinthians 10:4-5
4 For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, 5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ

After we did the lesson, another lady prayed with me about finding my calling. I got to pray for her too, about a concern she was having with her son. It's such a blessing to be in a small group and have the opportunity to pray for others, as well as being prayed for.

Did God really make me unique?

I've got small group tonight, and haven't finished all the questions at the end of Chapter 1. One of them is, "How has God uniquely created you to do the good works He designed for you to do throughout your lifetime?"

I guess this is something I kinda struggle with. Now that I'm in mid-life, I've been wondering for awhile now about my niche in life, where I fit in the grand scheme of things. I read Rick Warren's Purpose-Driven Life and understood my 5 generic purposes (worship, fellowship, discipleship, ministry and mission.) But this says nothing of my unique and specific purpose.

My struggle is with the concept that I truly am unique, that I truly do matter, that if I don't do the "good works that God designed me to do", they won't get done. I know I have a unique thumbprint, but does that truly make me special? I've long held the belief that there are some people who are destined to do great things and make a major impact in this world, but I'm just not one of them. Yes, I can make a positive difference in this world in small ways...giving my tithes, giving this person a hug, that person a smile, encouraging a friend who's down, donating my O negative blood to help save lives, volunteering my time to any number of good causes, etc. And God will honor all those small ways, I'm sure. So up until now, I've been content with the small ways. But lately, especially after reading the book The Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkinson, I've been wondering..."Has God destined ALL OF US to do great things, but it's our lack of faith or disobedience that prevents us from doing so?" I hope to get that question answered in this current series.

A God-Sized Vision Practical Exercise Page 9

According to this "warm up" exercise, I'm supposed to describe in detail what my life would look like if my passions, giftedness and calling were to be perfectly aligned. Well geez... sounds like a full-blown exercise to me. I can probably come up with a list of passions and gifts, but my calling?? - It's too early in the program to really grasp that yet. And I don't want to just guess.

But what am I passionate about? Let's see....

• Freedom is a big one for me. So much of my life has felt so encumbered...watching my parents struggle with debt, and struggling with it myself (although I'm close to turning that around now.) Remember the movie "Braveheart"? I know it's suppose to be a "guy" movie, but it's one of my favorites. The part where John Wallace (Mel Gibson) gives his "What will you do without your freedom?" speech touches me deeply. Any movie where someone overcomes great obstacles to meet his/her goals is an inspiration to me.
• Adventure is another passion. I haven't had a chance to travel much, so whenever I do get a chance to hop on a plane and go somewhere I haven't been before, I get excited.
• Nature is something I really treasure. I spend the majority of my workdays in front of a computer screen in an office. But fortunately, I work in a corporate office park that has lakes and woods nearby. I'll take a break at least once a day and go for a walk. The scent of the lake and trees, the sound of the birds and the color green all refresh my soul.
• Spiritual Growth is a passion that burns deeply in my soul. I'm always yearning to learn more and more, to keep reading books or doing these kinds of studies to increase my knowlege about who I am, and what God wants from me, and how to relate to others, so that I can continually become a better person.
• That leads me to my next passion, Teaching. I want spiritual growth not just for myself, but to share what I've learned with others, thus impacting their lives.

Okay, that's enough for now....but what are my giftings? Well, I already did an assessment of my spiritual gifts and found that I'm gifted in...

• Exhortation - encouraging, challenging or rebuking the body of Christ
• Teaching - employing a logical, systematic approach for clearly communicating practical truth to the body of Christ, and
• Service - the ability to identify and meet the practical needs of others

In addition to this...

• I have skills as an accountant
• I have skills with Excel spreadsheets, internet research and computers in general
• I have a great deal of patience
• I'm a team player

That pretty much sums up what my passions and gifts are. My calling and vision remain to be seen.

Lord,

Reveal to me your purpose and vision for my life. Help me to understand the unique way you created me, and how you want to use that to impact the lives of others. Each day, let me do something that will bring me one step closer to the calling you have for me. In Jesus name, Amen.

An introduction

Hello Cyberspace,

I go to The Crossing Church in Brandon, Florida, and we're starting a new series called Blueprint for Life to help us discover God's calling on our life. I thought starting a blog would be a good way to keep a journal of the process. In fact this is my very first blog - so I'm a brand new blogger! I'm going to use this as a way to share insights and post prayers during the process. Everyone is welcome to participate, especially those who have been or are going through the same process. And if you need prayer, please let me know...

Christian Singles, click here